Tuesday, 4 October 2011

When your heart feels like an anchor

I've had a sever case of year abroad blues since last week.  

I've hit my wall relatively early in comparison to normal, my autumn blues normally kick in around November when it's cold and there's barely any sun.  Don't really have that excuse here.  This is likely a little woe is me post but I'm guilty of that once in a while.  I've been here for more than one month now and I feel like I'm getting no where.  My French hasn't improved very much at all, in fact it feels like it's almost getting worse because whenever I do speak I'm just so aware of all the things I'm saying wrong and how stuttery I am, or how most people just raise their eyebrow at me and then start speaking English.  DO NOT WANT.  I'm also missing home a lot, I knew it would be difficult but I didn't expect to be feeling like this so early on.  I see my friends post about going back to Cardiff for Freshers week and I'm so jealous that they get to be there with each other.  Most of the are graduating this term so it is all very final.  I also my my other half lots, haven't seen him since the end of June which has been challenging to say the least.

Don't get me wrong I do love it here very much but I'm just struggling a lot.  It's hard to explain properly because I have been looking forward to this since I applied to study French at university and many things have lived up to my expectations.  I just find myself comparing so much to the UK and it's made me realise just how at home I am there and how much I love living there.  It makes me sound ungrateful for this opportunity but I'm not.  France is a fantastic country with great people and a great culture.  I just need to put more of an effort into speaking French and trying to understand my lectures, but I have hit the wall where it seems that I'm not getting any further or any better.

It's all just a bit confusing really, I'm so happy to be here but right now I'd like to go home for even just a little bit.  But I'm not going anywhere until December and I don't think I'll be going back to Cardiff anytime before 2012.  I'll just plough through and try to make the best of this situation.  But this past week there have been too many days where I just can't face getting out of bed.  Something really needs to change soon.


1 comment

  1. I wrote about New Country Syndrome back in May. ; D


    I know it sucks... even when you're used to it. Couldn't you get a fligth to Cardiff for a weekend or something? Or skip some classes and make it a long weekend?

    Oh, in this post from ages ago, I talked about the phases of homesickness as described to me in a seminar one time...


    Not plugging myself at all... but it's a process we've both been through, right? Life will get amazing for you pretty soon, I'm sure. Then you'll have difficulties going back to Wales. : )


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