Monday, 14 October 2013

Project Get Happy - Stage One: Moving On

Three weeks ago my world did a complete 360.  Without going into great details I ended my three and half year relationship with my boyfriend after some serious revelations came to the surface.  It really left me reeling.

I love being in relationships, I love having someone around to care for and I love being cared for.  I'm an all or nothing person.  If I care for someone then they get all my affection, trust and love.  The hardest thing about relationships is that you have to trust someone and give them your trust and pray they don't throw back in your face.  That has been the hardest thing to deal with in the wake of the break up, that someone who I cared for really abused my trust to the point where I can't even begin to comprehend it, even after a few weeks of mulling things over.  Living on my own hasn't been a big problem but it's my confidence that has taken a bit of a beating.  I've always struggled with self esteem issues and I'm afraid this might aggregate the situation even more.

I have been beyond overwhelmed by the support of my friends and family.  Boys come and go but friends are for life.  It has made everything easier.  There has always been someone's shoulder to cry on or someone who will go on a out night with me and buy me a questionable cocktail.  I refuse to let one bad experience break me.  I'm surrounding myself with good people and am taking time to focus on myself.  My golden rule for being in a relationship is 'if you're not happy with yourself you can't be happy with someone'.  I need to focus on loving myself fully and letting go of doubts.  I can't go into another relationship dragging this baggage with me it wouldn't be fair.  I'm not going to lie, it's daunting and difficult, three and a half years is a long time to have spent with someone.  This boy had been my security blanket since I was 18 but now I'm 22 years old and I have learnt many lessons and sadly these are the kinds of lessons we all have to learn one day.  I relied on my ex boyfriend for too much, so my next lesson is to take time to love myself and feel 100% content in my skin.  This is the time to take care of myself, it may be daunting but I'm ready for it.

You shouldn’t have to go through a dozen heartbreaks to realize that the thing about waiting for love to save you is that, simply, it won’t. Though I do think that may be hard to see until you’ve really put all your emotional eggs in one basket and watched that fall through and leave you with nothing. But nevertheless, I hope you know that not all great love has to be forever love, and that just because one person doesn’t care, or a whole bunch of people don’t care, does not mean that someone else will, or already does. Your past does not dictate your future, trust me on that one.” - The Things You Shouldn’t Always Have To Learn The Hard Way by Brianna Wiest

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  1. So lovely to hear that you're finding and taking the time to focus on yourself again, Nina. There should always be a happy medium between giving your love and also remembering that you should have the same! Wishing you all the best lovely, you deserve SO much more! xx

  2. You go girl! Last year, I ended a seven year relationship, I just didn't feel like he was the one. Now I am with the one, living on my own but in a healthy relationship. You've done the hardest part, you have the best bits to come! :-)
    Donna xx

  3. I hope you're holding up well, although it definitely seems like you are from this post. It's great that you're taking some time for yourself, I truly believe it's something everyone has to do once in a while, so like you say, you can learn lessons and move on to something better - that proverb is perfect. x

  4. I just want to leave you a comment, I knew I'd seen you post and talk about a break up and because I don't know you all that well (I'm sure you remember, I'm Ella's friend from the Lush meet up) I feel at ease to speak to you about this. My boyfriend ended our 4 & 1/2 year relationship last night, What you've said about loving yourself is so important, I definitely don't love myself enough and I think ultimately it made him not love me. We had a trip to Japan planned in March, funnily enough we're still going together as friends, but it's so hard to come to terms with it at the moment because it feels like the end of the world! Seeing others getting by so well is encouraging though! I'm sorry to blab, but I just need it off my chest! :) xx


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