Sunday, 16 November 2014

Romance & Love For Beginners: Plenty More Fish In The Sea

“There's lots of good fish in the sea...maybe...but the vast masses seem to be mackerel or herring, and if you're not mackerel or herring yourself, you are likely to find very few good fish in the sea.” ― D.H. Lawrence, Lady Chatterley's Lover
There's a famous saying which goes something along the lines of "there's plenty more fish in the sea".

I absolutely hate this saying. First of all, I hate fish. I hate the small and the taste of it (linked to childhood trauma of being taken to an Omani fish market as a small child and being traumatised by my uncle who has holding my favourite cuddly toy over the dead fish). Second of all as the brilliant D.H. Lawrence explains, the only fish that appear to be swimming around in this endless sea are herring or mackerel. They used to serve mackerel at my boarding school for breakfast. Nobody would eat that morning. Says it all really for the popularity of mackerel.

What I gather D.H. Lawrence is trying to say is that there are plenty more fish in the sea (if you haven't gathered by now: 'fish' = men) but the see is teaming with ordinary (and gross smelling) fish.

I take offence to being called a herring or mackerel. Something more special or exotic would be better. I'd much rather be a fabulous Scottish salmon. According to the Chemical Brothers salmon can swim to Japan and back. Impressive. But if we're really going to be going for it something like a bluefin tuna would be even better (even if you're in danger of turning into sushi). In 2012 they sold a 269kg bluefin tuna for $736,000 million in Japan. That's more my style.

What I'm getting at is that there may be plenty more fish in the sea but I don't just want a simple herring or mackerel. I want the bluefin tuna. The elusive one, the one worth keeping your line out for to see if he bites. I don't want someone ordinary, I like to think that I'm not your usual kind of girl (correct me if I am please) so I deserve someone who's going to bring a bit more to the table.

I went out in Cardiff on Saturday night and the place was teaming with substandard mackerel and herring. It's becoming increasingly obvious that my salmon or bluefin tuna is out there but I'm just going to have to wait a little while for him. It's worth to just throw my line out there (not an innuendo) and hope he bites. If a mackerel bites I'll just throw him straight back out, my time is precious and not to be wasted on ordinary fish. I'll keep you updated with my progress.

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