As you know, I have been flirting with Tinder for a while now. It's had it's ups and downs, I've deleted the app a few times but have always gone back to it during the advert breaks on Take Me out on Saturday nights. I had combed thoroughly through my age range (23-27) and came up empty. So I decided to go bold and include the gentlemen above 30 as well.
Maybe I'm naive but I was hoping that being over 30 meant that the man in question would have some sort of stable living situation, a good job and some kind of direction. I mean I'm 23 years old and all of those things apply to me. How hard can it really be?
As it turns out: very. Enter Tinder Thomas.
Tinder Thomas: "So if your parents are Germans living in Brazil, does that make them Nazis in hiding?"
Tinder Thomas: "I've had to dress for 2 occasions tonight, I may be going out with some friends later." takes off reasonably nice brown roll neck jumper to reveal a Jurassic Park T Rex t-shirt.
Me: "So what do you do?"
Tinder Thomas: "Technically nothing, I took voluntary redundancy."
Me: "Oh I see, so do you live alone?" (me thinking "Please god say yes")
Tinder Thomas: "No I live with my parents, I spend quite a lot of my time in my room."
Me: Speaking about S Club 7 (this was two gins and two glasses of wine into the evening, don't ask). I used to love S Club 7!
Tinder Thomas: "Oh yeah they were really big when I was in university."
Me: "I was about 10 then... "
The crowning jewel of the whole evening was when we were saying goodbye. We hugged it out but as we were breaking apart from the hug he rested his hands on my hips and looked at my face very intently. He was going in for the kill. I jumped back and waved him away from a safe distance shouting "I'll see you again soon" as I power walked away. We haven't spoken since.
Following on from this incident my male college has given me some very useful advice when it comes to not wanting to kiss men: "If a guy looks at you like he's going to kiss you and you don't want to, just cough in his face." I wish I'd known that then.
So Tinder and I have ended our affair. It's been deleted and I think that's how it will stay. The stable fantastic man who doesn't live with his parents and has a good job is not going to be trawling through Tinder. Or maybe he is and I'm missing out on him.
Thank you Tinder, it's been enlightening.