I never wanted to be the girl who let a break up break her. Unfortunately it happens to the best of us and despite my best intentions I let a break up break me. My self esteem has always been on shaky ground and quite frankly I can't ever remember a time when I've particularly liked what I saw in the mirror. The break up was very tough on me, I'd put myself out there and fell head over heels in love with somebody, who as it turns out did not feel the same way. One of my biggest weaknesses is that I define my self worth on my partner or relationship. This is also called codependency and is incredibly dangerous. After the break up I found myself suddenly alone for the first time in over 4 and a half years. I'd always had a boyfriend to act as my crutch and suddenly I was reluctantly alone.
My confidence took a nose dive. If the person I loved didn't want to be with me and didn't like me, why should I like and care about myself? I wallowed in the throes of self pity and low self esteem for 6 months. At times under eating and at times over eating. There were lots of tears. It was messy. As a person who has been 3 years self harm free (see here and here) it was a very difficult and challenging time for me and brought up some feelings I thought I'd worked through.
So after Christmas and some harsh words from my mother, I decided to do something about it. I signed up for a gym membership and spent an eye watering sum of money on a personal trainer.
I've always had a fear of the gym and judgement. 5 weeks ago I couldn't even run for a minute (not an understatement at all) and the thought of people watching me and laughing at my wobbly bum was too much for my poor little self esteem to handle. However, enter This Girl Can. I think we as women have a hard deal. We're expected to look perfect and be perfect, but god forbid we wobble and sweat in the process. It always feels like everyone else is doing and being better than you and the fear of judgement can hold you back.
As hard and horrible as the gym can be, it's given me something productive to occupy my time with. It's given me a purpose and it's become part of my routine, something I am loath to ignore. Every day when I make it to the gym and get that little bit faster and stronger, is a successful day for me.
I've had to learn the hard way, that 'self love' is just that. You have to learn to accept and love yourself, nobody else can do that for you. So the gym for me is about doing something for myself and finding some sort of acceptance with the only body I have. If I lose some pounds (preferably stones) along the road to self acceptance then that's a benefit too. I accept that I'm going to be slow, but I'm already faster than I was when I was sat on the couch. And to quote This Girl Can - I jiggle therefore I am.
It's not been easy, but my ex boyfriend's favourite saying was 'if it was easy then everybody would be doing it' so at least I have him to thank for that motto. That and when I run on the treadmill I imagine I'm running over the bodies of all the boys who ever wronged me because this girl certainly can.
Because I have friends in high place (cough, WGP, cough) the girls and me were lucky enough to attend the launch of a brand spanking new Cardiff estaurant: Pitch Bar and Eatery. Located on one of Cardiff's busiest and most popular streets it beckons you in with a beautiful interior and the promise of locally sourced goodness.
Pitch say they are "Fiercely independent, priding ourself on simple, honest, modern Welsh food. Obsessively, we seek the best, most mouth-watering ingredients we can find locally from farmers, growers, makers and markets, fusing them together to create innovative flavours and vibrant, sumptuous dishes; putting our passion for your palate on a plate." So of course I was excited to be attending. The girls and I put our best shoes on and off we went.
Welcomed with at the door with big smiles and a lovely Hendricks gin and cucumber, the night was off to a good start. We were treated to sample boards of some of Pitch's signature dishes. The standouts included the glazed belly pork, pea soup, Welsh Rarebit (of course), lamb and veggie bean burgers. I'm still dreaming (and drooling) about the belly pork and bean burger. The pork was served with some warm apple sauce and the lamb came with some tasty balsamic oil. The bean burger was beyond tasty, I mean who doesn't love mini burgers? I'm not normally a fan of pea soup but the flavours were extremely delicious and fresh, top marks for presentation as well it's not every day you do a shot of pea soup.
Even though we only had little tasters it really did the job in putting across the values of Pitch and how tasty their food. We definitely had more than one of each taster... sorry not sorry.
Thank you for having us Pitch, we're already planning a visit back, who can say no to gin and food? If you too want to give Pitch a shot book in advance or you'll be disappointed!