January: Ringing in 2016 standing on Copacabana beach with about 2 million people. Coming back to Wales and cutting off my hair into a bob. Also going to speak with a journalist at Wales Online about my self harm recovery which was then published online and in the newspaper. Lots of tears as the messages come pouring in.
February:Going for muddy runs in preparation for running my first ever race. Time also spent seeing City & Colour live and focusing on spending quality time alone. Spend Valentine's Day with Fiona because who needs a boy?
March: Turning 25 and spending the Easter weekend in a cold and wet Dublin with Fiona but still having the best time ever. Spending a lot of time with friends eating in my flat or trying the new restaurants that open up. The daffodils bloom again. Signing up to run the Cardiff Half Marathon in October.
April: Enjoying spring days with friends. Going for coffees in the sun, or taking a drive down to Barry Beach. Trying to eat less of the white carbs but failing miserably. So early gym mornings to keep focused on the half marathon.
May:Flying over to Barcelona for Fiona's 25th birthday. Eating too much cheese and drinking too much red wine after days of sightseeing. Still eating out too much but making new friends through blogging events so what's the harm? Enjoying the lazy spring bank holidays and the later nights.
June: All birthdays seem to fall in June. Mum comes over for her birthday weekend, we eat lots, laugh lots and see her favourite singer in concert. We also go to Bristol. I get to meet Jon Snow and end up on the news. Wales end up doing surprisingly well in the Euros 2016 and the Brexit vote happens. Beyoncé plays in Cardiff and slays. A boy and I start texting.
July: Wales beat Belgium in the football but break Welsh hearts in the semi final. Jade gets a brand new job and moves to London so we have a big pizza party to give her the best send off. It's not a goodbye though. I celebrate my 5th year of being self harm free and my best friend from Australia visits. I meet John Doe, the boy I've been texting, and we go on dates.
August: Lots of prosecco gets drunk, Fiona and I go and see Years and Years in Bute Park. I get my copper IUD fitted and blog about it (but not until October because I'm an awful blogger). I fall off the exercise wagon and end up eating more than I do exercise. I visit Jade in London for the August bank holiday, we drink too much and laugh until our bellies ache. I get ghosted by John Doe, bruised pride but heart intact.
September:The half marathon fear sets in. Less than a month to go. Jade comes back to Cardiff for her birthday and we have a fun night out in Swansea and drink too much again. Cardiff celebrates 100 years of Roald Dahl and my little brother comes to stay for a weekend. He's my unofficial running coach and lets me carb load before taking me for a 15km run. Fiona also gets a brand new job in London and we have Japanese food for her leaving do. I decide to stop dating.
October: I run the Cardiff Half Marathon in 2 hours 50. It's the hardest thing I've ever done but also the best thing I've ever done. Rosie's family treat me to brunch after and for four days I can't walk properly. I spend two weeks with my family in Brazil, making it out there in time for my dad's 59th birthday. When I come back to Cardiff the heating goes on and the leaves are brown.
November:November is a hard month for me. I don't feel like doing anything and feel lonely, but being around people is exhausting. I stop running and just about make it to the gym a handful of times. Netflix and by myself in an endless pity party but it's okay because soon it will be December.
December:Rio de Janeiro in winter is my saviour. It's hot, I can see the sea from our living room and I am with my family. We eat healthy and sometimes argue but that's what family is. I'm reading books, having naps and just enjoying a slower pace. I have big plans for 2017. The last two months of the year haven't ended how I wanted them to so I need this time to readjust and focus on what I want for the future.
Smiles from the threshold of the year to come,
Whispering 'it will be happier'...” ― Alfred Tennyson
Coat: New Look Scarf: H&M Boots: Topshop Bag: Vintage | Inspired by Marina
Okay so I have to admit that for all of November I was in a massive slump.
Something about November was beyond exhausting for me. I've been feeling lonely but then the thought of socialising and being around other people was exhausting. I felt so lonely in my empty flat but I didn't have the energy to want to be around other people. I'd lost any desire to go running, which after all the work I put into my half marathon was a real shame.
I get into these kinds of slump at least once a year but they've never lasted as long as this slump.
Maybe it's because 2016 has been so bloody awful that now that we're so close to the end our exhaustion levels are high.
The things that are keeping my thoughts in perspective is that at the end of the day I've got a pretty sweet deal. A week ago I got some heartbreaking news that put all of my own stupid bullshit into perspective.
I have a flat that I can call my own, I have friends that make me belly laugh and a job that lets let me feed my obsessive need to collect a new pair of boots on a weekly basis. To top it all off I also get to escape the country to warm and sunny Brazil for two weeks to spend the festive period with my family.
I know that I should just 'snap out' of my blue mood but sometimes it feels like crawling out a hole that you dug yourself. But there we have it, because my life really could be much much worse.
At the end of the day we endure much more than we think we can.